Deployments are scary and downright intimidating. I don’t care how many you’ve been through before, or how many pep talks you’ve given yourself saying, “It’s okay, I can do this!”

Deployment has a way of wearing you down and draining you both physically and emotionally. Believe me, I’ve been through seven different deployments as either a military girlfriend or wife, and the most recent one was just as much of a mental challenge as the first one.

But you know what did change, since that first deployment 18 years ago: my confidence, my experience, and my ability to laugh at the craziness. After raising four kids of various ages through all those deployments, I’ve had my fair share of run-ins with the Deployment Curse (or Deployment Murphy, if you prefer.)

Like any seasoned military spouse, I’ve dealt with late-night ER visits, flat tires, broken appliances, and vomit on the carpet. We’ve lived far from family and had to make emergency requests from strangers. I’ve learned that these unpredictable frustrations are guaranteed to begin as soon as my spouse walks out the door.

No matter how strong you are and how independent you are, there will be days when deployment gets the best of you and you feel too tired to continue. Some people refer to this as “hitting the deployment wall.” I want to give you the tools and the ability to get over that deployment wall and keep on going, one day at a time.

There are many things I do to prepare for deployment. All these preparations are equally important. During deployment, I think of myself as a four-legged chair. I’m supported equally by physical health, mental health, social support, and practical routines. If one of those areas gets a little shaky (say, an unexpected sickness, or a broken car that affects my routines), then the chair is going to remain upright because the other legs are solid. I have to invest equally into all four legs to keep myself supported during deployment.

Here are the four areas to focus on when you are preparing for deployment:

Physical Health

Before deployment, try to catch up on doctor’s appointments. You can also schedule upcoming appointments or dentist visits. It’s easy to put these things off, but staying healthy is so important.

Schedule your exercise or meal planning routines. When you are the only adult at home, it can be difficult to focus on your own health. Think ahead of time about your goals, your priorities, and what changes you must make to keep yourself strong throughout deployment.

Mental Health

Deployment is a mental and emotional challenge. Everyone will have good days and bad days. What simple routines can support your self-care? Some people enjoy going for walks, meeting friends for coffee, or signing up for an exercise class. Others use techniques like journaling, adult coloring books, or meditation to stay calm. Find a daily habit that works for you.

Plan rewards and mini-celebrations. Scheduling these around weekly or monthly milestones gives you something positive to look forward to. Some spouses love a spa day, shopping trip, or Girls Night, but “treating yourself” doesn’t have to be expensive. You can also focus on exploring local parks and attractions, getting ice cream, or taking a weekly luxurious bath.

Remember that it is always okay to ask for help! There are organizations like Military One Source that offer free counseling sessions over the phone. It can be extremely helpful to vent to a third party who won’t judge you.

Social Support

We all need friends to get us through challenges and emergencies. But sometimes when you are the new spouse in town or living far from base, those sympathetic friends are hard to find. Be proactive about reaching out to people and asking for help. Attend unit events, local classes, church groups, hobby activities, etc until you find your “tribe.” Collect their phone numbers so you have them in case of emergency.

Decide who you will lean on to vent about bad days. Surround yourself with positive people only. Make a plan for who you will call in particular events: sick kids, car trouble, late-night emergency, etc.

Practical Routines

Before your spouse leaves, talk about practical paperwork matters. Know how and when to pay the bills, in case the service member doesn’t have internet access. Discuss car maintenance plans, home maintenance needs, and a care plan for children. This will relieve a lot of stress during emergencies.

Streamline your home routines. Whether that means preparing freezer meals for busy nights, setting up a chore chart for older kids, or folding laundry during your binge-watching sessions, find ways to get organized and maximize your time.

It’s okay to hire help. Many spouses pay for a babysitter, food delivery, lawn care, or house cleaning during deployment. Make these part of your deployment budget.

Over the years, I’ve learned what steps I need to take to prepare for a deployment. I have my own checklists and “Must-Do” lists. I’ve also learned that preparing for deployment isn’t something you can do in one sitting. It takes conscious effort before and during the deployment to stay on track.

That’s why I created a Deployment Masterclass for military loved ones. It has the tools you need to accomplish everything listed above, whether you are facing a first deployment or a fifth. It includes a 28-page Ultimate Deployment Guide filled with checklists and free resources. The Masterclass contains video interviews with a dozen seasoned military spouses on common challenges like solo parenting, cooking for one, dealing with stress, sending care packages, and making a budget. You will hear from others who have been in a similar situation and gotten through it, so you’ll realize you can do this too! Enrollment includes admission to my private FB group for deployment support, so you can get instant answers to deployment questions or have a safe space to vent on a bad day. To learn more about the Deployment Masterclass, please visit www.SeasonedSpouse.com/deployment/.

Deployments are scary and intimidating, but you don’t need to go through them alone! Thousands of military spouses are right there beside you to cheer you on.

Get ready: you’ve got this!