Tackling Topics That Matter:

Welcome to our installment of “Weigh In”….our new advice column. We polled our Facebook group members and asked them to weigh in with issues they are currently dealing with inside our community. Hoping to provide support and connexion we decided to tackle some of these common issues in a new column. I hope you find value in our first installment and we welcome you to continue to weigh in with comments on your tips, advice, and opinions.

Lauren Asks:

How do you say no? I struggle with learning to say no. I know I can’t be at every event all the time, but learning the needed grace to decline an invitation is an art form.

Richelle replies:

Dear Lauren,

To make the ‘n’ sound, place the tip of your tongue just behind your teeth as you lower your jaw a bit, leaving a small gap between your teeth. In this position, your mouth is all set to start producing n’s! For the long o sound, your lips begin in a rounded position the tongue raises a bit in the back toward the soft pallet and shift back slightly, the tip of the tongue is not touching anything. Next, move the lips into a tighter circle with the back part of the tongue stretching even further toward the soft pallet. To say no, do the first sound ‘n’ followed directly by the second long ‘o’ sound.

I have a feeling this isn’t what you meant (winky face). I am by-no-means trying to minimize your frustration but you gotta learn to say no. You have a right to say no. More than likely what is getting in the way of your ability to say no, is your emotions. You feel guilty. I want to assure you, in most cases, the guilt you feel is completely unjustified. When it is unjustified, it is not the steps to gracefully decline the invitation you need, but the skills to deal with the unjustified guilt you are feeling. Rest-assured when the emotion is unjustified, if you leave it alone, it will go away. Do not keep fueling it by ruminating on it. Say no, and move on. Don’t second guess your decision.

If you are still looking for a graceful way to say no, I teach a great skill called DEARMAN that does teach you how to say no in a way that maintains the relationship and Intensity factors that teaches you factors to consider if you should say yes or no. Check those skills out and keep in mind, those who truly care about you understands you have a lot on your plate and will respect your ability to set appropriate limits for yourself and your time.

XOXO, Richelle Futch, MSW

Spouse Connexion Advice Columnist

Need more advice? Check out Richelle’s reply to finding “Me Time”. Interested in contributing a story? Join our Team or contact us today!